when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
