when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
