We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
