My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
you had me at cake vodka
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
