I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
