I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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