he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
