Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
