ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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