Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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