he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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