I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
