His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
