After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm always down for nudity.
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