it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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