I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
