if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
