I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
