woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
