it wasn't lemon gatorade
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I have fence marks all over my body
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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