I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
