i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
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