I hate your face
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The feeling are messing with the penis
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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