my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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