first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
