honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
