Having a random hookup so left but love u
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
