dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
