DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
