I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
