I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
