im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
