i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
