I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
