i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
bring money and cleavage
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize