Midget sex pt 2 tonight
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he shaved USA in his pubs
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
