I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
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