Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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