Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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