Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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