Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
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