Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
