He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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