i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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