Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
