i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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