You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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