everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
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