Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
