My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
