I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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