i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
