my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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