So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
