I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
