People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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