and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
