apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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