omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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