Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
