Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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