I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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