After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
