he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
