Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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