smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
