she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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