I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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